Ask Not at Whom the Finger Points
There are a lot of times in my day-job world when I feel like I've had a hat placed on my head, that only other people can see. A hat that looks like this:
I didn't put it on, and I'm not even aware of it, but everyone who looks at me sees it, and especially sees the pointing finger. I'm the Quality Manager, so I must be out to get them. If I'm talking to them, I must be after them, about to get them in trouble. Right?
It comes with the territory, I'm afraid. I just deal with it. The truth is that I almost never ask about something in order to place blame. I'm much more concerned with getting problems fixed. Trying to place blame just wastes time, energy and resources.
One of the hardest things about dealing with the Trumpocalypse is how often it feels like I've got the finger-pointing hat on when I try to talk to people about certain issues. I felt that way on my trip to Texas and Indiana right after Thanksgiving, as I went among people who weren't necessarily Trump supporters, but who couldn't understand what all the fuss was about and why we couldn't just go back to normal now that the election was over.
To say "We live in a racist society" is not the same thing as saying "You personally are a racist." I'm still fairly new to this concept myself, so maybe I'm just not expressing it properly. It's entirely possible to be a non-racist white person and still benefit from a society where white people have better access to education, housing, health care, etc., and aren't in danger of being randomly shot by the police. But all too often any mention of this idea makes people defensive, and before you know it they're upset with you because they feel like you've said that they personally were racist. We've got to get past this hurdle, or things are never going to change.
That's one of the more visible cases, but you find other examples all the time. Climate change, gun violence, even political discourse itself... it seems like people are so busy arguing about who's to blame that they never get around to solving the problem. Why is that? In many cases, maybe that's the whole idea. If the problem's too hard, just start arguing about whose fault it is and you'll never have to deal with it. In other cases, we have entire media empires that profit from keeping their audiences riled up, not to mention an extensive political infrastructure that uses unresolved resentment to garner votes. Meanwhile, the problems themselves get worse because they aren't being addressed - and a new problem appears on the scene, too.
This week, we discovered the left wing of the political spectrum has its angry white guys too, and they can be just as dangerous as the angry white guys on the right. For better or worse, and regardless of whose fault it is, we have a lot of deadly weapons lying around in this country, in a society that's already overheated. That's not going to end well. It's not enough to have Democrats and Republicans hugging each other on a baseball diamond for one night if they just go back to business as usual the next day. Something needs to be done, because if it isn't, who's to blame isn't going to matter. We will all suffer the consequences.
Look, I'm not saying that no one is ever at fault for anything. That would be silly. But there's a time and a place for everything. When I have to deal with problems as a Quality Manager, my priorities are to get the problem under control and resolved first, and worry about how we got there later. And even then, I try to emphasize the lessons we can learn in order to get better as much as possible. It doesn't always work - sometimes there's a person or group who's clearly at fault, and that fault needs to be dealt with. But I've at least got to try avoiding the blame game, because if that's my first choice, I'm not likely to get to anything else and the problem isn't going to go away.
So take that silly hat off my head. Take it off your own head too, and off anyone else's you happen to have problems with. If you want to point your finger at something, point it at the problem - and then get to work on fixing it.
I didn't put it on, and I'm not even aware of it, but everyone who looks at me sees it, and especially sees the pointing finger. I'm the Quality Manager, so I must be out to get them. If I'm talking to them, I must be after them, about to get them in trouble. Right?
It comes with the territory, I'm afraid. I just deal with it. The truth is that I almost never ask about something in order to place blame. I'm much more concerned with getting problems fixed. Trying to place blame just wastes time, energy and resources.
One of the hardest things about dealing with the Trumpocalypse is how often it feels like I've got the finger-pointing hat on when I try to talk to people about certain issues. I felt that way on my trip to Texas and Indiana right after Thanksgiving, as I went among people who weren't necessarily Trump supporters, but who couldn't understand what all the fuss was about and why we couldn't just go back to normal now that the election was over.
To say "We live in a racist society" is not the same thing as saying "You personally are a racist." I'm still fairly new to this concept myself, so maybe I'm just not expressing it properly. It's entirely possible to be a non-racist white person and still benefit from a society where white people have better access to education, housing, health care, etc., and aren't in danger of being randomly shot by the police. But all too often any mention of this idea makes people defensive, and before you know it they're upset with you because they feel like you've said that they personally were racist. We've got to get past this hurdle, or things are never going to change.
That's one of the more visible cases, but you find other examples all the time. Climate change, gun violence, even political discourse itself... it seems like people are so busy arguing about who's to blame that they never get around to solving the problem. Why is that? In many cases, maybe that's the whole idea. If the problem's too hard, just start arguing about whose fault it is and you'll never have to deal with it. In other cases, we have entire media empires that profit from keeping their audiences riled up, not to mention an extensive political infrastructure that uses unresolved resentment to garner votes. Meanwhile, the problems themselves get worse because they aren't being addressed - and a new problem appears on the scene, too.
This week, we discovered the left wing of the political spectrum has its angry white guys too, and they can be just as dangerous as the angry white guys on the right. For better or worse, and regardless of whose fault it is, we have a lot of deadly weapons lying around in this country, in a society that's already overheated. That's not going to end well. It's not enough to have Democrats and Republicans hugging each other on a baseball diamond for one night if they just go back to business as usual the next day. Something needs to be done, because if it isn't, who's to blame isn't going to matter. We will all suffer the consequences.
Look, I'm not saying that no one is ever at fault for anything. That would be silly. But there's a time and a place for everything. When I have to deal with problems as a Quality Manager, my priorities are to get the problem under control and resolved first, and worry about how we got there later. And even then, I try to emphasize the lessons we can learn in order to get better as much as possible. It doesn't always work - sometimes there's a person or group who's clearly at fault, and that fault needs to be dealt with. But I've at least got to try avoiding the blame game, because if that's my first choice, I'm not likely to get to anything else and the problem isn't going to go away.
So take that silly hat off my head. Take it off your own head too, and off anyone else's you happen to have problems with. If you want to point your finger at something, point it at the problem - and then get to work on fixing it.
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