Just Between Us Guys
To tell you the truth, when the first sexual harassment claim against Al Franken came out, I was surprised that it was the only one. Not that I think Al Franken is a bad guy, which I don't, but because of where he came from.
The type of shenanigans he was being accused of (and photographed doing, in at least one instance) fit perfectly with the brand of humor he wrote on Saturday Night Live, and that brand was what made him a success. It was his livelihood for a long time, a part of his public persona. Of course he did stuff like that.
However... That doesn't let him off the hook. Yes, there have been complaints already about Franken paying the penalty while Donald Trump and Roy Moore are still around. That's not important, unless you agree with Republicans that having power is more important, even if it means you have to follow your leaders into the sewer. I thought Franken was doing a great job as a senator, but that just makes his resignation a tragedy, not something unnecessary. It'll just have to be up to someone else to come forward and carry on, just like it always is.
How far is this going to go? How long is it going to last? Across the country, there are men reexamining every little thing they did in their lives, wondering if someone could call them guilty too. Well, guess what? If you've got to wonder, the answer is probably yes. Even if you're not wondering, the answer is probably yes. Because if you're a man living in today's America, there's been at least a time or two when you participated in, benefited from or looked the other way from the parts of our society that tell women they're not as good as we are, or that they're just there for our gratification. It's part of our national persona. Of course we've done it.
So how far is it going to go, and how long is it going to last? Men, I've got some more bad news for you. We don't get to decide that. The terms of forgiveness are never dictated by the ones seeking forgiveness. First there must be truth-telling, grieving and healing, and that's not going to happen according to our schedule. If we get impatient, we risk starting the whole cycle over again, so just hang in there and go with the flow instead. Listen to what's being expressed and try to learn something from it.
Finally, I have one small, wacky suggestion. Just a notion that's occurred to me.
How about we stop telling ourselves that sexual conquest is the be-all and end-all of existence? Hmmm?
Now, don't misunderstand me. This is not a "sex is evil" sermon. I may not be all that into it myself, but even I know that under the right conditions - whatever those are for you - sex can be wonderful. What I'm talking about is the myth that a "real man" is one who goes out and bags all the babes he can, helps himself to any woman he fancies, walks right up and grabs them by the... well, you know.
It's bad enough that this attitude is degrading to women. But guess what? It's bad for us men as well. We're told this image of the conquering Alpha male makes us strong, but really it makes us weak, because it takes control of our success and happiness out of our own hands.
When I hike up a mountain, I'm testing my own ability against the mountain. The mountain doesn't have the power to tell me I can't do it. When I write a book, I'm testing my own ability against the story. I try to imagine my characters as real people, but the truth is they're not. They don't really have the power to tell me I can't write them. And when I sing in my choir, yes the conductor does have the right to tell me how to sing, but I've consented to giving the conductor that right for the sake of the music and the greater good. I've still made my own choice.
If your success as a man is measured by how many babes you can bag, you've either got to ignore the fact that women are people, with their own thoughts and feelings and rights, or you're going to get very frustrated and angry. Either way, you become a monster, not a man. You become weaker, not stronger.
And why do we tell ourselves this idea? The biological survival-of-the-species need for it disappeared centuries ago. So what keeps it going? In a lot of cases, capitalism. People want you to believe in the Alpha male myth because they want to sell you things. Things to help you bag more babes, like clothes or grooming products or Viagra, and things to compensate for the fact that you can never bag enough babes, like cars or pornography or guns. It's all part of the game, of making sure that suckers and their money are soon parted.
So let's stop treating women like targets or rewards or some other kind of object for our own gratification, and treat them as people instead. It'll be good for us as well as good for them. Why not try it, at least until the current wave of truth-telling and grieving is over. You might find that you'll never want to go back. You might actually like it.
The type of shenanigans he was being accused of (and photographed doing, in at least one instance) fit perfectly with the brand of humor he wrote on Saturday Night Live, and that brand was what made him a success. It was his livelihood for a long time, a part of his public persona. Of course he did stuff like that.
However... That doesn't let him off the hook. Yes, there have been complaints already about Franken paying the penalty while Donald Trump and Roy Moore are still around. That's not important, unless you agree with Republicans that having power is more important, even if it means you have to follow your leaders into the sewer. I thought Franken was doing a great job as a senator, but that just makes his resignation a tragedy, not something unnecessary. It'll just have to be up to someone else to come forward and carry on, just like it always is.
How far is this going to go? How long is it going to last? Across the country, there are men reexamining every little thing they did in their lives, wondering if someone could call them guilty too. Well, guess what? If you've got to wonder, the answer is probably yes. Even if you're not wondering, the answer is probably yes. Because if you're a man living in today's America, there's been at least a time or two when you participated in, benefited from or looked the other way from the parts of our society that tell women they're not as good as we are, or that they're just there for our gratification. It's part of our national persona. Of course we've done it.
So how far is it going to go, and how long is it going to last? Men, I've got some more bad news for you. We don't get to decide that. The terms of forgiveness are never dictated by the ones seeking forgiveness. First there must be truth-telling, grieving and healing, and that's not going to happen according to our schedule. If we get impatient, we risk starting the whole cycle over again, so just hang in there and go with the flow instead. Listen to what's being expressed and try to learn something from it.
Finally, I have one small, wacky suggestion. Just a notion that's occurred to me.
How about we stop telling ourselves that sexual conquest is the be-all and end-all of existence? Hmmm?
Now, don't misunderstand me. This is not a "sex is evil" sermon. I may not be all that into it myself, but even I know that under the right conditions - whatever those are for you - sex can be wonderful. What I'm talking about is the myth that a "real man" is one who goes out and bags all the babes he can, helps himself to any woman he fancies, walks right up and grabs them by the... well, you know.
It's bad enough that this attitude is degrading to women. But guess what? It's bad for us men as well. We're told this image of the conquering Alpha male makes us strong, but really it makes us weak, because it takes control of our success and happiness out of our own hands.
When I hike up a mountain, I'm testing my own ability against the mountain. The mountain doesn't have the power to tell me I can't do it. When I write a book, I'm testing my own ability against the story. I try to imagine my characters as real people, but the truth is they're not. They don't really have the power to tell me I can't write them. And when I sing in my choir, yes the conductor does have the right to tell me how to sing, but I've consented to giving the conductor that right for the sake of the music and the greater good. I've still made my own choice.
If your success as a man is measured by how many babes you can bag, you've either got to ignore the fact that women are people, with their own thoughts and feelings and rights, or you're going to get very frustrated and angry. Either way, you become a monster, not a man. You become weaker, not stronger.
And why do we tell ourselves this idea? The biological survival-of-the-species need for it disappeared centuries ago. So what keeps it going? In a lot of cases, capitalism. People want you to believe in the Alpha male myth because they want to sell you things. Things to help you bag more babes, like clothes or grooming products or Viagra, and things to compensate for the fact that you can never bag enough babes, like cars or pornography or guns. It's all part of the game, of making sure that suckers and their money are soon parted.
So let's stop treating women like targets or rewards or some other kind of object for our own gratification, and treat them as people instead. It'll be good for us as well as good for them. Why not try it, at least until the current wave of truth-telling and grieving is over. You might find that you'll never want to go back. You might actually like it.
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