Taking Charge, Letting Go
I'm really tired of feeling helpless. I don't really make New Year's Resolutions, but there are definitely some changes I need to make.
I have so many different writing ideas in my head, but I've never been able to work on more than one at a time. It's one of the main frustrations about having to work a day job, because I feel like I'd be able to write so many more of my ideas with the additional time. A year ago, I told myself that if I couldn't write more than one project at a time, I could at least make notes for future books while working on my current one - but not even that has worked. I kept waiting for it to happen, when what I needed to do was make it happen. So I took this weekend off from my Ada Lovelace biography - now in its final chapter - and did some reading and note-taking. I didn't make all that much tangible progress, but I feel like I learned a lot about how to put stories together, what I'll be capable of while I'm writing my biographies, and what I won't be capable of. It's been a good start. At the very least, making a deliberate attempt to do something is a lot better than feeling frustrated and helpless.
The other change is one I've been working on for a while, and have written about ad nauseam already, so apologies if you're tired of it. Disentangling myself from the political internet isn't about making a one-time break, no matter how much I'd like it to be. I've had to examine my feelings and motivations, trying to figure out what keeps pulling me back, and how to address each issue. I started feeling this way even before the 2016 election - all the way back to the Tea Party and the rise of Mitch McConnell. It's going to take a while to work through.
You're probably familiar with FOMO, or "fear of missing out." I've realized that I have a case of FONDE - "fear of not doing enough." Most Trump followers are "my people." White, Midwestern, older, and ostensibly Christian. I keep feeling like I should be able to understand them. I feel like I should be able to figure out what's driving them. I feel like I should be able to do something about it, that somewhere in my head are the magic words that will break the madness gripping them and convince them to see sense. I feel like I have to keep trying until I find them.
Well, guess what... I don't have the magic words. I don't understand what's happening. I've read the explanations about alternative facts and patriarchy and white supremacy and other thigns, and I understand them, but at the gut level I still don't understand why any of it should have such an iron grip on people. Not like it does.
And guess what else... it's not my job to find those magic words, if they even exist. It's not my job to save America or the world. There are millions of other people in this mess with me. I don't have to do it all.
I've heard Ta-Nehisi Coates talk about his fame, and about people asking him why he doesn't use that fame to make more political statements. He doesn't do much tweeting or punditry. He just writes his stuff. "I have my limitations, you know, and I'm OK with that," he tells people. "I think it's really important to know your lane." I think I need to adopt that same attitude.
Sometimes regaining control is about what you do, and sometimes it's about what you let go. These days, I'm trying to do a bit of both.
I have so many different writing ideas in my head, but I've never been able to work on more than one at a time. It's one of the main frustrations about having to work a day job, because I feel like I'd be able to write so many more of my ideas with the additional time. A year ago, I told myself that if I couldn't write more than one project at a time, I could at least make notes for future books while working on my current one - but not even that has worked. I kept waiting for it to happen, when what I needed to do was make it happen. So I took this weekend off from my Ada Lovelace biography - now in its final chapter - and did some reading and note-taking. I didn't make all that much tangible progress, but I feel like I learned a lot about how to put stories together, what I'll be capable of while I'm writing my biographies, and what I won't be capable of. It's been a good start. At the very least, making a deliberate attempt to do something is a lot better than feeling frustrated and helpless.
The other change is one I've been working on for a while, and have written about ad nauseam already, so apologies if you're tired of it. Disentangling myself from the political internet isn't about making a one-time break, no matter how much I'd like it to be. I've had to examine my feelings and motivations, trying to figure out what keeps pulling me back, and how to address each issue. I started feeling this way even before the 2016 election - all the way back to the Tea Party and the rise of Mitch McConnell. It's going to take a while to work through.
You're probably familiar with FOMO, or "fear of missing out." I've realized that I have a case of FONDE - "fear of not doing enough." Most Trump followers are "my people." White, Midwestern, older, and ostensibly Christian. I keep feeling like I should be able to understand them. I feel like I should be able to figure out what's driving them. I feel like I should be able to do something about it, that somewhere in my head are the magic words that will break the madness gripping them and convince them to see sense. I feel like I have to keep trying until I find them.
Well, guess what... I don't have the magic words. I don't understand what's happening. I've read the explanations about alternative facts and patriarchy and white supremacy and other thigns, and I understand them, but at the gut level I still don't understand why any of it should have such an iron grip on people. Not like it does.
And guess what else... it's not my job to find those magic words, if they even exist. It's not my job to save America or the world. There are millions of other people in this mess with me. I don't have to do it all.
I've heard Ta-Nehisi Coates talk about his fame, and about people asking him why he doesn't use that fame to make more political statements. He doesn't do much tweeting or punditry. He just writes his stuff. "I have my limitations, you know, and I'm OK with that," he tells people. "I think it's really important to know your lane." I think I need to adopt that same attitude.
Sometimes regaining control is about what you do, and sometimes it's about what you let go. These days, I'm trying to do a bit of both.
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